playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I got a message the other day that just said “great titsâ€
A gentleman AND a scholar
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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