So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize