No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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