walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
