is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I just had sex on a roof
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
