1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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