Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
