I want to have your abortion
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
