dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
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