In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
