so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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