jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
