I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
