Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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