Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
