Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
