when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Randomize