Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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