guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
