One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Let's get the cat blown out
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
