You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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