he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
he laminated a picture of his dick.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
