Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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