last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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