Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
