You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
