Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
