I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
