I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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