I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
