Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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