Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
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