There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
