Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
