I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
