mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
