I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
