My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
