just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
