and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
