omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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