He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
