He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
