I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize