kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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