so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
