ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
