If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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