.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
