then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
