How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
