I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
