i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
