Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
