How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
