so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
