I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
