best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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