New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Are my feet made of real feet?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
