He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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