Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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